ACTS International
Home Page of ACTS International
Home Page of ACTS InternationalHow to Find and Know God without having to be religiousLife Help Articles dealing with faith, family, and practical helps for purposeful livingDaily and Weekend Encounters with more than a third-of-a-million worldwide subscribersSupport the Work of ACTS International a not-for-profit organization. Donations are tax deductible for U.S. donorsCurrent report on the ministries and services of ACTS InternationalOnline Store of ACTS ... ACTS CommunicationsAbout ACTS International
ACTS International Home Page Click here for the current issue of  Daily Encounter
         
     
   
Tell a Friend Site Map Share and/or Bookmark
   
         
   
Articles > Ask the Teacher: > Forgiveness, Part I

Forgiveness, Part I

When You Can't Forgive and Forget

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."1

"I am having trouble forgiving someone," writes a Daily Encounter reader. "It was a horrible thing this person did to me. She hasn't apologized and acts as if everything is normal. I am filled with resentment and hatred. What this person did cannot be fixed. I want so bad to resolve my feelings, but don't know what to do to get over what happened."

Unfortunately, if we need an apology from those who hurt us to enable us to forgive them, we would be struggling because this often doesn't happen.

To forgive such a person, we need to resolve our resentment and hatred—both of which are stored up hurt and anger. Once we resolve these feelings, the path is open for forgiveness. In fact, until we do this, it is impossible to forgive anyone as our resentment and hatred will keep popping up their ugly heads.

So how can you do this? You can, as it were, “write a letter” addressing the person who hurt you, but never ever send it. In this writing you need to express the depths of your feelings of hurt and anger right from your gut—this is what David did in several of the Psalms. You may need to do this a number of times until all your feelings of hurt and anger have dissipated. As long as these feelings are bottled up, they will control your response to the one who hurt you, and quite possibly affect all your close relationships. After each letter is written, read it over, share its contents with God and with a safe, non-judgmental, non-advice-giving, trusted friend or confidant, telling them exactly how you feel, and then destroy the letter.

Or you could go alone in your car to a private place and park where you are sure to be safe. Wind up the windows, (turn the radio on if it helps), and pretend the person who hurt you is with you. Then “talk to this person” and get off your chest everything you would like to say to him or her—expressing all your hurt and angry feelings. Do this say for a half hour, then go back and do this a number of times, spending less and less time each “visit,” until all your negative feelings are gone.

The Bible says not to let the sun go down while you are feeling angry. This is because unresolved anger that has turned into resentment is an emotional poison. This is why it needs to be resolved as quickly as possible. If you can't resolve your anger alone, it will pay (wherever humanly possible) to see a capable counselor who can help you. If you don't do this, future medical bills may be much higher than counseling costs.

As already suggested, be sure to express your feelings to God. He knows how you feel anyhow (and loves you regardless). Ask him to lead you to the help you need to resolve your hurt and anger so you will be able to truly forgive the one who hurt you.

Remember, unresolved anger is not only “poison” but also like an emotional cancer, and either you get the "cancer" or the "cancer" gets you. As another has said, "Failing to forgive is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

To be continued ... because forgiveness is a process, not an event!

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to always be honest with my feelings and learn to express them to you and to a safe and trusted friend. And where I can't seem to resolve these feelings and am unable to forgive _______ (name the person), please lead me to the help I need to resolve any and all feelings of resentment, hurt, anger, hatred, and bitterness and be able to fully forgive this person, just as you have forgiven me for all my sins and failures. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Ephesians 4:32 (NIV).

<:))))>< 


All articles on this website are written by
Richard (Dick) Innes unless otherwise stated.



   
    Back to Return to previous page Previous Page    
         
       
   
Site Map   Top
   
     
         
Find Peace With God footer
 
  ARTICLES
About God
About Faith
Relationships
Success/Failure
Solutions
Recovery
Ask the Teacher
Better Living Tips
Friendship
Words of Love
Words of Inspiration
People Power for Jesus
Simple and Effective Witnessing for Christ

SITE TRANSLATIONS
Spanish Espanol
French Francois

  DEVOTIONS
Devotionals
Daily Encounter
Weekend Encounter
Encuentros Diarios
Archives
Subscribe
When God Is Silent
Prayer Partners
  Needed

Special Needs

BIBLE HELPS
Helps and Studies
Today's Reading
Annual Reading

  QUOTES AND TESTS
Today's Quotes
Happiness Test
Stress Test

ACTS IN ACTION

ACTS Websites
ACTS in Action Report

COMMUNICATIONS

Syndicate ACTS Articles
"I Hate Witnessing"
   Audio—No Charge

Opening Closed Minds
Effective Communications
Jesus, the Communicator
Punching Holes in
   the Darkness

  REPORTS
About ACTS
Be an ACTS Friend

MISC.
People Power Invite
Links
Weather
Privacy Policy
Snail-Mail List
Contact Us/Feedback

ACTS BOOKSTORE
Online Bookstore


Site Map
Report problems to ACTS International
All pages in this site © Copyright 2005-2017 by ACTS International
P.O. Box 73545, San Clemente, CA 92673 U.S.A.
 
HOME   Daily Encounter  Find Peace With God