ACTS International
Home Page of ACTS International
Home Page of ACTS InternationalHow to Find and Know God without having to be religiousLife Help Articles dealing with faith, family, and practical helps for purposeful livingDaily and Weekend Encounters with more than a third-of-a-million worldwide subscribersSupport the Work of ACTS International a not-for-profit organization. Donations are tax deductible for U.S. donorsCurrent report on the ministries and services of ACTS InternationalOnline Store of ACTS ... ACTS CommunicationsAbout ACTS International
ACTS International Home Page Click here for the current issue of  Daily Encounter
Tell a Friend Site Map Share and/or Bookmark
Articles > Solutions: > Object Constancy, Part I

Object Constancy, Part I

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."1

"What on earth is object constancy?" I can hear readers asking.

It's something that we needed to have from earliest childhood and maintain throughout life. With it we have a much better chance of living life to the full. Without it we will "limp along in the shadows of life" eking out a meager existence with a sense that something is missingólike having a feeling of emptiness. In a vain attempt to fill this void we may use food and become a foodaholic, or become a workaholic keeping busy, busy, busy to avoid facing the pain of this inner emptiness. Or we may become an alcoholic or use drugs to deaden the pain, or keep looking for love in all the wrong places.

Object constancy. We need it for survival. So what is it?

When a child is first born, as long as it is wanted and loved, it will be bonded and attached to mother in a healthy way. Here it feels safe and secure. As the child grows it not only needs to be weaned from mother's breast but also, little by little, from mother's presence so it can begin to find its own identity. During this process, as long as it has a deep inner sense of being loved, mother can leave the room and baby feels fine. And as long as mother's love is constant and baby is an object of mother's love, the baby has object constancy. That is, it constantly feels loved.

However, if the baby doesn't have this deep sense of love and security, it may panic when mother leaves the room. Or even when mother is there, without a sense of constant love, baby will feel very insecure, and cry. But if and when it cries repeatedly and mother isn't there or doesn't come to comfort it, it will eventually stop crying and turn its pain inward. It has a lack of object constancy.

When a person grows up into adulthood without a deep sense of object constancy, he or she is headed for constant loneliness and relational difficulties. This person may look to the opposite sex, use sex to get what they mistake for love, and/or marry the wrong person in an unconscious attempt to fill that empty mother-void (and father-void if father's love wasn't constant either). Sex, romantic love, and/or marriage can never fill this void or heal this pain because the problem is that the lack of object constancy is a childhood issue. Romance and marriage is for adults.

Furthermore, where a person lacks object constancy, he or she can have a very difficult time feeling God's love too.

And where we lack object constancy how do we find healing?

To be continued ...

1. Suggested prayer for parents: "Dear God, please help me to be the loving parent I need to be so that all of my children will feel secure in my love for them and always sense Your love flowing through me to them. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus's name, amen."

2. Suggested prayer for those who lack object constancy: "Dear God, about my loneliness and the empty void in my life, please help me to face the depth of this loss and stop running from the pain, and lead me to the help I need to find healing and recovery. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus's name, amen."

1. John 13:34 (NIV).


All articles on this website are written by
Richard (Dick) Innes unless otherwise stated.

    Back to Return to previous page Previous Page    
Site Map   Top
Find Peace With God footer
About God
About Faith
Ask the Teacher
Better Living Tips
Words of Love
Words of Inspiration
People Power for Jesus
Simple and Effective Witnessing for Christ

Spanish Espanol
French Francois

Daily Encounter
Weekend Encounter
Encuentros Diarios
When God Is Silent
Prayer Partners

Special Needs

Helps and Studies
Today's Reading
Annual Reading

Today's Quotes
Happiness Test
Stress Test


ACTS Websites
ACTS in Action Report


Syndicate ACTS Articles
"I Hate Witnessing"
   Audio—No Charge

Opening Closed Minds
Effective Communications
Jesus, the Communicator
Punching Holes in
   the Darkness

About ACTS
Be an ACTS Friend

People Power Invite
Privacy Policy
Snail-Mail List
Contact Us/Feedback

Online Bookstore

Site Map
Report problems to ACTS International
All pages in this site © Copyright 2005-2019 by ACTS International
P.O. Box 73545, San Clemente, CA 92673 U.S.A.
HOME   Daily Encounter  Find Peace With God