My Daughter Is a Lesbian
"Because of this [changing the truth about God for a lie], God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error."1
A reader writes, "Please help me to understand why my adult daughter has become a lesbian over the past couple of years. She was brought up in a Christian home, was married for several years but is now separated. She has two sons who ask questions that I don't know how to answer. All I know is that God is against homosexual activities. Also, her father is a homosexual…."
Dear Friend, regarding your daughter "becoming" a lesbian, my guess is that she has probably had these tendencies or feelings from her youth but has only recently made the choice to act out these feelings.
The fact that her father is a homosexual can be a strong contributing factor as children need both a mother and a father during their developmental years. A daughter needs both parents to confirm her female sexual identity when she is a teen, just as a son needs both parents to confirm his masculine identity. If the father hasn't resolved his own sexual identity, he isn't able to confirm his children's sexual identity. Homosexuality is a failure to complete the maturity of a child's sexual development. Furthermore, it is out of harmony with God's design for the individual and the family. Keep in mind, too, that all of God's rules/laws are for our protection, well-being, and for the health of the individual, the family, and ultimately the nation. We defy these laws to our own peril—even if it is eventually.
As Bruce Kaercher put it: "Our culture's embrace of homosexuality has ignored the cause in order to embrace the symptom."
Some homosexuals claim that they were born that way. Others claim that homosexuality is in their genes. The fact is, however, that sin is in my and everybody else's genes because we are born sinners,2 but this does not justify acting out my sinful nature.
It is true that while God loves all sinners he hates all sin because all sin is destructive of those whom God loves—us! Keep in mind, too, that God not only condemns homosexuality. His Word says, "Don't fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God."3
I realize it can be extremely difficult to change one's sexual disposition but help is available for those who want it.* Unfortunately, unless your daughter genuinely wants to change, there isn't much you can do except to pray for her and assure her of your love and acceptance, while lovingly informing her that you are opposed to her lifestyle. And constantly ask God to help you to be "as Jesus" to your daughter and to your grandchildren.
Unfortunately a Christian home doesn't guarantee one's emotional, physical, or sexual maturity. For these, a child needs two mature and healthy parents—or at least a mother and/or father substitute, where needed, as a role model with whom the child can identify. God's plan and design for the family is to bring up children with a loving mother and a loving father and we simply cannot improve on God's plan. Furthermore, when parents are living out of harmony with God's will and plan, their children can and usually suffer the natural consequences of parent's unresolved sins and issues. As God's Word, the Bible, says, "The Lord is slow to anger and filled with unfailing love, forgiving every kind of sin and rebellion. But he does not excuse the guilty. He lays the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations."4
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to know and understand your will and plan for marriage, for the family, and for the lives of my children. Please help me to live in harmony with your plan so that I will be able to model for my children the kind of persons you want them to be. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Romans 1:26-27 (NIV).
2. Psalm 51:5; Romans 3:23.
3. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NLT).
4. Numbers 14:18 (NLT).
*For help for homosexuals…. See Exodus International at: http://exodusinternational.org/. See also Chuck Colson's article, "When a Dog Says Moo" at: http://www.breakpoint.org/commentaries/2851-when-a-dog-says-moo.