ACTS International
Home Page of ACTS International
Home Page of ACTS InternationalHow to Find and Know God without having to be religiousLife Help Articles dealing with faith, family, and practical helps for purposeful livingDaily and Weekend Encounters with more than a third-of-a-million worldwide subscribersSupport the Work of ACTS International a not-for-profit organization. Donations are tax deductible for U.S. donorsCurrent report on the ministries and services of ACTS InternationalOnline Store of ACTS ... ACTS CommunicationsAbout ACTS International
ACTS International Home Page Click here for the current issue of  Daily Encounter
         
     
   
Tell a Friend Site Map Share and/or Bookmark
   
         
   
Articles > Marriage and Family: > Training Up Children

Training Up Children


"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when and when he is old he will not turn from it."1

I
read recently about a man who said, "I failed my son when he needed me most. I was under a great strain from a workload I seemed unable to escape. A gulf came between me and my son, and when I recognized it, it was too late. I have never been able to regain communication. I failed God as well as my son. Unfortunately I am not able to change the damage I caused."

Keleigh Vigil and chocolate cake
Keleigh Vigil and chocolate cake


The responsibility to provide for one's family goes far beyond merely meeting a child's need for food, clothes, shelter and education. It also includes meeting his emotional and spiritual needs and guiding him to total adult maturity.

This path to maturity has three stages: the dependent childhood stage; the independent teenage stage; and the interdependent adult life.

To mature through the first two stages to adulthood, a child needs lots of unconditional love, sufficient freedom for him to become a person in his own right, and loving but firm discipline.

Conditional love—that is, "I love you if you are nice, well-behaved, do well at school, etc."—isn't love at all. It is control. It smothers a child and damages his self-image. A child who is loved primarily for what he does or doesn't do rather than for who he is will not feel truly loved.

A child also needs sufficient freedom to develop his own unique personality. A part of this is to allow him to make more and more of his own decisions as he is able to, and to train him to accept the consequences of those decisions. He also needs to do for himself as much as he can because others doing what he could and should be doing for himself will keep him over-dependent and immature.

Discipline is the training of a
child in every area of life.

Without this freedom to develop his or her own person, a child feels over-controlled and over-protected. He is thus being programmed for later rebellion or other emotional and/or physical problems.

Does giving a child freedom mean that he is allowed to do as he pleases? Not at all. One cannot have love and freedom without discipline. Dr. Bruce Narramore, founding dean of the Rosemead Graduate School of Psychology, lists seven types of discipline in his excellent book, Help I'm a Parent.2 They are as follows:

Discipline by communication. Explanation is an essential part of all discipline. Children need to be told what the guidelines are so they can know what is expected of them. They also need to be told why some behavior isn't acceptable. If they aren't told, they will think their parents are unreasonable and they will naturally feel resentful.

Discipline through reinforcement and extinction. By rewarding any behavior, one reinforces that behavior and helps it to continue.

For example, Mother asked Suzy to straighten up her room. She did. When Mother looked in she said, "Suzy, I'm really pleased with the way you straightened up your room. You did such a good job."

This is rewarding positive behavior with a compliment. Rewards can also be special treats sometimes. Such rewards thus reinforce desirable behavior.

Continued on Page Two


All articles on this website are written by
Richard (Dick) Innes unless otherwise stated.



   
    Back to Return to previous page Previous Page    
         
       
   
Site Map   Top
   
     
         
Find Peace With God footer
 
  ARTICLES
About God
About Faith
Relationships
Success/Failure
Solutions
Recovery
Ask the Teacher
Better Living Tips
Friendship
Words of Love
Words of Inspiration
People Power for Jesus
Simple and Effective Witnessing for Christ

SITE TRANSLATIONS
Spanish Espanol
French Francois

  DEVOTIONS
Devotionals
Daily Encounter
Weekend Encounter
Encuentros Diarios
Archives
Subscribe
When God Is Silent
Prayer Partners
  Needed

Special Needs

BIBLE HELPS
Helps and Studies
Today's Reading
Annual Reading

  QUOTES AND TESTS
Today's Quotes
Happiness Test
Stress Test

ACTS IN ACTION

ACTS Websites
ACTS in Action Report

COMMUNICATIONS

Syndicate ACTS Articles
"I Hate Witnessing"
   Audio—No Charge

Opening Closed Minds
Effective Communications
Jesus, the Communicator
Punching Holes in
   the Darkness

  REPORTS
About ACTS
Be an ACTS Friend

MISC.
People Power Invite
Links
Weather
Privacy Policy
Snail-Mail List
Contact Us/Feedback

ACTS BOOKSTORE
Online Bookstore


Site Map
Report problems to ACTS International
All pages in this site © Copyright 2005-2017 by ACTS International
P.O. Box 73545, San Clemente, CA 92673 U.S.A.
 
HOME   Daily Encounter  Find Peace With God