ACTS International
Home Page of ACTS International
Home Page of ACTS InternationalHow to Find and Know God without having to be religiousLife Help Articles dealing with faith, family, and practical helps for purposeful livingDaily and Weekend Encounters with more than a third-of-a-million worldwide subscribersSupport the Work of ACTS International a not-for-profit organization. Donations are tax deductible for U.S. donorsCurrent report on the ministries and services of ACTS InternationalOnline Store of ACTS ... ACTS CommunicationsAbout ACTS International
ACTS International Home Page Click here for the current issue of  Daily Encounter
         
     
   
Tell a Friend Site Map Share and/or Bookmark
   
         
   
Articles > Recovery: > The Road to Recovery

The Road to Recovery

I

grew up in what used to be called a broken home. Now it is called a dysfunctional family and I am defined by a fancy title. I am now an ACDF—an Adult Child of a Dysfunctional Family!

Home for me was not a happy place. My parents' continual fighting ensured that. For their own painful reasons, my father and mother were unable to make a happy home. Eventually they divorced but my scars remained. My dad was physically present but emotionally absent. Consequently I felt unloved and rejected by him. And, while my mother was outwardly functional and held the family together, instead of her meeting my emotional needs, she leaned on me to meet many of hers which were not being met in her marriage.

Thus my parents' dysfunctions were passed on to me and I, in turn, repeated them in my marriage. And unless I resolve these, I will pass them on to my children. Some I already have.

Like my mother, outwardly I was very functional, but inwardly I was hurt, angry, afraid and insecure. To overcome, I needed to get into recovery.

As loved people love people so hurt people hurt people. And what we the parents don't work out (resolve) our children will act out in one way or another. This is because what we fail to resolve is destined to be repeated in one form or another.

The Bible pointed out 4,000 years ago that the sins of the parents visit the third and fourth generation.1 Probably more than anything else, it is the "emotional and relational sins" that are passed down from generation to generation.

Unless we who have been hurt break the chain from generations past, our children will be attracted to spouses from dysfunctional families and repeat the cycle and their children will do the same.

As loved people love people,
so hurt people hurt people.

How then do we recover? It isn't easy, but with humility, honesty, courage, persistence, God's help and, where necessary, the help of a trained counselor and/or a support-recovery group, it can be done.

First, face reality. Realize that you are not alone; most families have some dysfunctions because nobody had perfect parents. The important thing is that we admit our dysfunctions and avoid denial—the major barrier to recovery.

Sometimes when a family is in denial the one acting out negatively is made the scapegoat for the family sickness. Other members reason, "If he would change we'd be okay." However, in every dysfunctional family there are no innocent parties. All are contributing something even if it is being an enabling codependent, like the spouse of an alcoholic.

Second, accept responsibility. As long as we blame anybody else for our problems, we avoid facing what we are contributing—and never recover. It would be easy for me to blame my parents for my problems, but they were also the products of their upbringing. So I look at my family, not to blame, but to understand what I need to resolve. Blaming others for my difficulties is a handy excuse to hang on to if I don't want to grow up. And if I continue to blame I will B—LAME!

No matter what happened to me in the past, I am responsible for what I do about it now and for what I become. It may be true that "I was a victim in the past but if I remain one, I am now a volunteer."

Third, recognize the rules of dysfunctional family living, which have been identified as follows: you don't talk, you don't trust, and you don't feel. That is, there is no trust in sharing family problems openly and honestly. Family secrets are kept hidden. Members are afraid to share their feelings. And the family lives in denial.

Continued on Page Two


All articles on this website are written by
Richard (Dick) Innes unless otherwise stated.



   
    Back to Return to previous page Previous Page    
         
       
   
Site Map   Top
   
     
         
Find Peace With God footer
 
  ARTICLES
About God
About Faith
Relationships
Success/Failure
Solutions
Recovery
Ask the Teacher
Better Living Tips
Friendship
Words of Love
Words of Inspiration
People Power for Jesus
Simple and Effective Witnessing for Christ

SITE TRANSLATIONS
Spanish Espanol
French Francois

  DEVOTIONS
Devotionals
Daily Encounter
Weekend Encounter
Encuentros Diarios
Archives
Subscribe
When God Is Silent
Prayer Partners
  Needed

Special Needs

BIBLE HELPS
Helps and Studies
Today's Reading
Annual Reading

  QUOTES AND TESTS
Today's Quotes
Happiness Test
Stress Test

ACTS IN ACTION

ACTS Websites
ACTS in Action Report

COMMUNICATIONS

Syndicate ACTS Articles
"I Hate Witnessing"
   Audio—No Charge

Opening Closed Minds
Effective Communications
Jesus, the Communicator
Punching Holes in
   the Darkness

  REPORTS
About ACTS
Be an ACTS Friend

MISC.
People Power Invite
Links
Weather
Privacy Policy
Snail-Mail List
Contact Us/Feedback

ACTS BOOKSTORE
Online Bookstore


Site Map
Report problems to ACTS International
All pages in this site © Copyright 2005-2017 by ACTS International
P.O. Box 73545, San Clemente, CA 92673 U.S.A.
 
HOME   Daily Encounter  Find Peace With God