ACTS International
Home Page of ACTS International
Home Page of ACTS InternationalHow to Find and Know God without having to be religiousLife Help Articles dealing with faith, family, and practical helps for purposeful livingDaily and Weekend Encounters with more than a third-of-a-million worldwide subscribersSupport the Work of ACTS International a not-for-profit organization. Donations are tax deductible for U.S. donorsCurrent report on the ministries and services of ACTS InternationalOnline Store of ACTS ... ACTS CommunicationsAbout ACTS International
ACTS International Home Page Click here for the current issue of  Daily Encounter
         
     
   
Tell a Friend Site Map Share and/or Bookmark
   
         
   
Articles > Recovery: > Living With an Alcoholic

Living With an Alcoholic

"Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed."1

A Daily Encounter reader writes, "I am having a very difficult time and need help. I am angry a lot and do not know how to go about changing to be how I should be. My husband is an abusive alcoholic and keeps verbally jabbing me until I get angry and then he uses my anger against me. What should I do? Please help me."

Dear Jennifer (name changed). Unfortunately you can't change your husband. If you try to, it will make him angry and more abusive. The reality is that the only person we can ever change is ourselves and when we change, those around us are forced to change in their relationship to us. This is not always for the best, however, as people don't want us to change and can get very mean and nasty if we do. However nothing changes if nothing changes. Husbands like yours refuse to take responsibility for their actions and need someone to blame their anger on, so for your own sake you are the one who needs to change. If you don't change what you are contributing, you become a part of the family sickness.

It won't be easy but what you need to do is to exercise tough love. Make it very clear to your husband that you will no longer tolerate the way he treats you and if he continues to do so, you will have to distance or separate yourself from him until he gets into a recovery program and overcomes his addiction to alcohol and treats you with loving respect all the time. So while you can't change him, with help, you can change you. For your survival it is imperative that you do so.

You also need to realize the reason you were attracted to this type of man in the first place. Chances are that you are a codependent and, as such, mistake need for love. In other words you need to be needed in order to feel loved. I urge you to ask God to confront you with the truth about you no matter how much it hurts and to lead you to the help you need to overcome your problem. This is difficult. I know. But as long as you blame your husband for your problems and not look at what you are contributing, you will never find peace, love or contentment. And as it is nigh on impossible to make these changes by yourself, I urge you to get some qualified counseling help and at the very least join a twelve-step Al-Anon group—a group for the spouses of alcoholics. You will be able to find information about these groups by contacting the Al-Anon and Alateen web site at http://www.al-anon.org/index.php.

And above all, every day ask God to help you to be "as Jesus" not only to your husband but also to yourself. And remember, Jesus used tough love to drive the money changers out of the temple when they were abusing it. To be like Jesus we all need to exercise tough love when required. Tough love is the most loving thing you can do for your husband—and for yourself.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, in all of my problems and conflicts, give me the courage to see exactly what I am contributing and then lead me to the help I need to change. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Proverbs 15:22 (NIV).

<:))))><


All articles on this website are written by
Richard (Dick) Innes unless otherwise stated.



   
    Back to Return to previous page Previous Page    
         
       
   
Site Map   Top
   
     
         
Find Peace With God footer
 
  ARTICLES
About God
About Faith
Relationships
Success/Failure
Solutions
Recovery
Ask the Teacher
Better Living Tips
Friendship
Words of Love
Words of Inspiration
People Power for Jesus
Simple and Effective Witnessing for Christ

SITE TRANSLATIONS
Spanish Espanol
French Francois

  DEVOTIONS
Devotionals
Daily Encounter
Weekend Encounter
Encuentros Diarios
Archives
Subscribe
When God Is Silent
Prayer Partners
  Needed

Special Needs

BIBLE HELPS
Helps and Studies
Today's Reading
Annual Reading

  QUOTES AND TESTS
Today's Quotes
Happiness Test
Stress Test

ACTS IN ACTION

ACTS Websites
ACTS in Action Report

COMMUNICATIONS

Syndicate ACTS Articles
"I Hate Witnessing"
   Audio—No Charge

Opening Closed Minds
Effective Communications
Jesus, the Communicator
Punching Holes in
   the Darkness

  REPORTS
About ACTS
Be an ACTS Friend

MISC.
People Power Invite
Links
Weather
Privacy Policy
Snail-Mail List
Contact Us/Feedback

ACTS BOOKSTORE
Online Bookstore


Site Map
Report problems to ACTS International
All pages in this site © Copyright 2005-2017 by ACTS International
P.O. Box 73545, San Clemente, CA 92673 U.S.A.
 
HOME   Daily Encounter  Find Peace With God