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\"Dear Sir, I have been a Christian for almost a decade,\" writes a Daily Encounter reader, \"but I have this overwhelming sense of guilt. I cannot seem to shake it. What can I do?\"

Dear Stephen (name changed), you are not alone in your struggle. It\'s a problem many experience. To overcome, it is essential to understand the difference between true guilt, false guilt, and shame. Some psychologists claim that guilt is psychologically damaging. This is not correct regarding true guilt. We ought to feel guilty when we have done wrong. If we don\'t, we face the danger of developing a seared conscience. It\'s false guilt and shame that are psychologically damaging.

While true guilt says you have done badly, false guilt makes you feel guilty even when you\'re not. And shame says that you are a bad person not only when you have done something wrong but often when you haven\'t.

With true guilt when we have admitted that we have done wrong, confessed it to God and asked for his forgiveness, and where necessary asked the one we have hurt for his or her forgiveness—and wherever possible have put right the wrong we have done, the guilt feelings go. As God\'s Word assures us, \"If we confess our sins, he [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.\"¹ When we confess our sins, God forgives us … and then we need to forgive ourselves.

However, if after confessing our sins we still feel guilty, guilt is not the problem. If, for example, I am a perfectionist and have unrealistic expectations of myself and am beating myself up because of what I did wrong, the problem is my perfectionism. Or if as a child I was controlled by an overbearing parent and made to feel guilty if I didn\'t conform to his or her every demand, present situations where I have done wrong or even did something my parents had opposed—even if there was nothing wrong with it—can trigger those old memories and feelings of false guilt.

After confessing our sins we still
feel guilty, guilt is not the problem.

Or if my early life was shame-based; that is, if whenever I did something wrong an angry or critical parent repeatedly said in a harsh tone, \"Shame on you … you bad person,\" as an adult whenever I do wrong, or even feel I have done wrong, I will feel that old shame regardless of how irrelevant it may be today.

So, how do we overcome?

Many readers will be familiar with David\'s sin of adultery with Bathsheba and his ordering her husband, Uriah, to be killed in a vain attempt to cover what he had done. The only person he fooled of course was himself. What he did wasn\'t hidden either from God or his own conscience. In today\'s Scripture it shows how he struggled with his guilt but then when he confessed it, he felt free from his guilt—and greatly relieved.

He wrote, \"Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, \'I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.\' And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.\"²

Resolving false guilt and shame aren\'t as simple to overcome because neither one of them is guilt—regardless of how they feel.

As already noted, false guilt comes from early conditioning, usually from parents, but it can be caused by legalistic religion too. To overcome this issue one needs to re-condition his thoughts and feelings. It starts with recognizing what is true and what is false. When feeling guilty, ask yourself, \"Am I really guilty? Did I really do anything wrong?\" If not, tell yourself, \"No, I didn\'t do anything wrong and I am not guilty.\" The more you do this (with strong feeling), the more you will be able to slowly recondition your feelings and thoughts.

Also, if you are feeling guilty and are confused, share your feelings with a trusted friend or counselor to confirm whether your feelings are valid and based on reality. Don\'t share with anyone whose purpose is to make you feel good regardless of whether you did wrong or not. That will do more to hurt you in the long run rather than help you.

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If you struggle with shame, you will also need to re-condition or re-program your feelings and thoughts about yourself. This takes time too. Again, you need to share (confess) what you have done and/or how you feel even if you haven\'t done anything wrong to a safe, trusted friend or counselor, and as they love and accept you just as you are and don\'t \"shame\" you, in time, little by little you will learn to accept yourself with all of your faults and be free from those wretched feelings of shame. This takes considerable time and persistence, however, as we don\'t undo years of conditioning overnight.

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Confession not only to God, but also to the right person (a safe non-judgmental person), at the right time, for the right reason is the foundation for healing. As James wrote in the Bible, \"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.\"³

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Not Feeling Guilty When We Should

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In a recent California murder case that dragged out for months, the man being prosecuted appeared to have a seared or dead conscience. The way he lived and used other people for his own ends, and showed no sorrow regarding this, nor any visible emotion when he was given the death sentence seemed to indicate this.

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This brings us to another aspect concerning guilt we need to understand. True, it\'s important to resolve false guilt and shame so we don\'t feel guilty or shameful when we shouldn\'t. On the other hand there are some people who don\'t feel guilty when they should—when they have done wrong. As God\'s Word says, \"The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron.\"⁴

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What we need to realize is that
guilt in the Bible is a legal term.

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What we need to realize is that guilt in the Bible is a legal term. That is, if we have done wrong and sinned, we are guilty whether we feel guilty or not. The same is true with the law of the land. The court is not going to make a judgment on the basis of whether we feel guilty or not. If we broke the law, we will be judged on the basis of what we did—not on the basis of our feelings or whether we had a dead conscience.

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The word \"conscience\" itself literally means \"with knowledge\" (\"con\" meaning \"with\" and \"science\" meaning \"knowledge\"). The emotional term in the Bible associated with guilt is Godly sorrow.⁵ In other words, when we have sinned, the mature and healthy response is to admit it, feel sorrowful for it, confess it, and repent (turn away from) of it, and seek forgiveness.

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Others who are too prideful to admit when they have done wrong and refuse to say, \"I was wrong. I am sorry. Please forgive me,\" often play the blame-game and project the blame onto somebody else. These people have a very poor self-image and need to resolve that. (Actually one of our greatest strengths is to admit our weaknesses and mistakes. Only then can we ever overcome them. Denial traps us in the web of our own insecurities.)

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Denying our actions when we have done wrong and willfully continuing with these wrong or sinful actions can readily lead to a seared conscience. This is a very dangerous path to pursue.

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Suggested prayer: \"Dear God, please give me the courage to admit when I have done wrong and deliver me from the sin of denial so that I will never end up with a dead or seared conscience. And thank you that when I confess my wrongs and sins, you freely forgive me. Help me to forgive myself and, with your help overcome sinful actions. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus\' name, amen.\"

1. 1 John 1:9, (NIV).
2. Psalm 32:4-6, (NLT).
3. James 5:16, (NIV).
4. 1 Timothy 4:1-2, (NIV).
5. \"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret\" (2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV).

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For additional help:
See See \"Guilt-Throwers Vs. Guilt-Catchers\" at: www.actsweb.org/daily.php?id=434

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Freedom From Guilt, by psychologist Dr Bruce Narramore, is available online while supplies last at: http://actscom.com/store/books_2b.htm

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