Editor: Richard (Dick) Innes
Published by: ACTS International
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Vol. 10 – No. 0108 January 05, 2008
Thought for the week: "The real contest is always between what you've done and what you are capable of doing. You measure yourself against yourself and nobody else." – Geoffrey Gaberino (Olympic swimmer)
Wishing all our subscribers a very Happy New Year and God's richest blessings throughout all of 2008!
French writer Alexis de Tocqueville, after visiting America in 1831, said, "I sought for the greatness of the United States in her commodious harbors, her ample rivers, her fertile fields, and boundless forests—and it was not there. I sought for it in her rich mines, her vast world commerce, her public school system, and in her institutions of higher learning—and it was not there. I looked for it in her democratic Congress and her matchless Constitution—and it was not there. Not until I went into the churches of America and heard her pulpits flame with righteousness did I understand the secret of her genius and power. America is great because America is good, and if America ever ceases to be good, America will cease to be great!"
More than a half-century ago, General Omar Bradly wrote, "America today is running on the momentum of a Godly ancestry, and when that momentum runs down, God help America."
Editor's note: Well worth thinking about.
General Omar Bradley first chairman of
the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff (1949-53).
There are many times when I engage my tongue before my mind is ready. I fail to think ahead and say something disrespectful. Or, when I speak in anger, I later regret it. Other times I may have something significant to offer, but say nothing, concluding instead that the better part of wisdom is in keeping quiet.
I recently finished reading the book of James and on the whole, I think it was written for a local church going through upheaval because a member spoke ill of another member. The third chapter of James says that we cannot tame the tongue. Ill-spoken words, or words spoken in anger can disrupt and destroy families and congregations. It is often hard to not speak disparaging words. In contrast, I notice that Wisdom is talked about in terms of character and is reflected in our actions.
Then I looked closer at what is known as Wisdom. It begins with leading a godly life, and moves on to how we treat others. The person with Wisdom is generally at peace, is easy to get to know, and is reasonable in business relationships. If I were to be more like this godly person, I would add words of kindness to my speech. So I see that Wisdom is more a lifestyle, and is in keeping with godly character, kindness, and compassion.
In the fourth chapter of James, the question is asked, "Where do fights and quarrels come from?" It says they come from pride, and a "what's-in-it-for-me" attitude, all because we don't know how to tame the tongue. I caught a hint in this chapter that when we do things for selfish reasons, Jesus is quietly waiting behind the curtain to catch us when we stumble. He is fiercely jealous and feels cheated when we try to do things our way. He wants us to discover what miracles HE can do. The Old Testament phrase is repeated: "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble." So when we pray with doubt, he is undoubtedly waiting for us to humble ourselves.
So we should view things from a godly perspective. Since selfishness is part of our humanness, we need to learn humility. Wisdomfor us is to not only watch what we say, but to confess when we act out of pride. Proverbs says, "With humility comes wisdom." Humility, total confidence in God's directives for living breeds the Wisdomthat tethers our tongue.
These are powerful words. Authentic apologies can work like a healing ointment on old wounds, dissolve bitter grudges, and repair damaged relationships. They encourage both parties to let go of toxic emotions like anger and guilt and provide a fresh foundation of mutual respect.
But authentic apologies involve much more than expressing sorrow; they require accountability, remorse, and repentance.
An accountable apology sincerely acknowledges that the apologizer did something wrong. "I'm sorry your feelings were hurt" is a fake apology because it accepts no personal responsibility. A better apology is "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings." An even better one reveals an understanding of the wrongdoing from the point of view of the person injured and asks for forgiveness. "I'm sorry I called you a bad mother. I was speaking out of anger, and I ask you to forgive me." Given the natural human tendency to interpret our own words and actions in a manner most favorable to us, it takes great self-awareness to be accountable.
An authentic apology also conveys remorse. It's easier to forgive persons who have hurt us if we believe they have suffered some pain themselves in the form of regret, sorrow, or shame. Self-inflicted guilt is a form of penance or reparation that clears the road to forgiveness.
Accountability and remorse must be joined by repentance—recognizing something we did was wrong coupled with a credible commitment not to do it again. Without such a commitment, an apology is hollow. Thus, repetitive apologies for the same conduct are meaningless and often offensive. "I'm sorry" is not a Get Out of Jail Free card that lets people off the hook who repeatedly break promises, get drunk, or say cruel things.
It takes character to both give and accept an authentic apology.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."1
Maxwell Maltz tells the story of a man who'd been severely injured while attempting to rescue his parents from a fire. His heroic efforts proved to be in vain, though. His mom and dad died in the burning house.
During his rescue attempt the fire badly scorched his face and disfigured it. He was so ashamed of his appearance that he refused to allow anyone—including his wife—to see his face.
For help, his wife went to Maltz, a plastic surgeon. "Not to worry," he assured her, "I can restore his face."
Despite the good news, the wife still felt disheartened. Her husband had always refused any medical treatment. Assuming he wouldn't change his mind, she said to Maltz, "I want you to disfigure my face so I can be like him! If I can share in his pain, then maybe he will let me back into his life."
Maltz tried to mask his horror at the request. He refused to perform the operation, but was so moved by this woman's love for her husband that he went to visit her husband. Through closed door, he yelled, "I'm a plastic surgeon. I want you to know that I can restore your face."
No reply.
"Please, won't you come out? At least let me see your face. At least talk to me."
Silence.
Still speaking through a door, Maltz told the man of his wife's request. "She wants me to mutilate her face in order to make her face like yours. She hopes that you will then let her back into your life. That's how much she loves you."
Ever so slowly the doorknob turned.1
True, it must be extremely painful to be disfigured and feel that no one will ever accept you. May God help all of us, including me, to love and accept those who suffer so.
At the same time it is important that each of us realizes how totally repulsive our sinfulness is to God because he is a God of absolute holiness. In spite of this he loves and accepts us unconditionally. God also hates our sin because it is totally destructive of those whom he loves—us. But because of his great love for us, God gave his Son, Jesus, to die on the cross to pay the penalty for all our sin so we can be totally "healed from sin's deathly disfigurement," and be freely forgiven and saved from sin's deadly consequences—eternal separation from God, the author of all love and life.
If you have never accepted God's love and forgiveness, I urge you to do that today. For help read "How to Find and Know God" at: http://tinyurl.com/8glq9.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that, in spite of the ugliness of my sinfulness, you love and accept me totally and unconditionally. Help me to truly appreciate what you have done for me and live a life that will bring honor to your name. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
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Oprah Winfrey: "Books were my pass to personal freedom. I learned to read at age three, and soon discovered there was a whole world to conquer that went beyond our farm in Mississippi." – Oprah Winfrey
Books:
Books by Dick Innes, Editor of Weekend Encounter You Can't Fly With a Broken Wing How to Mend a Broken Heart I Hate Witnessing—A Handbook for Effective Christian
Communications
Books by Bestseller and Popular Authors: The Miracle of Kindness His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
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Healing, Wholeness & Happiness by Dick Innes
Loving & Understanding People by Dick Innes
I Hate Witnessing by Dick Innes
God's Formula for Success by Dick Innes
Damaged Emotions by David Seamands Healing of the Memories by David Seamands...
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