Editor: Richard (Dick) Innes
Published by: ACTS International
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Vol. 11 â€" No. 2409 June 13, 2009
Thought for the week: "I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all." â€" Laura Ingalls Wilder
So far I've done alright, God. I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very happy about this. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed. And from then on, I'm going to need a lot more help.
I had an abortion when I was 28 years old. I did not have any kids at that time and the clinic used the word, terminate, to end the pregnancy. Since it was legal I had no real qualms about the abortion. At the age of 31 I had my first child which I loved so much. At 33 I had my second child which I loved so much. I am now 58 years old and for many years I have looked back at this action and wish, wish, wish so much that I had that child. I missed out on knowing one of my own little people. I wonder what he/she looked like, was it a boy or a girl, what color of hair? I just missed the child so very much.
I am very against abortions being legal. Most women really do wish they would have never made that decision. I know God has forgiven me as I have asked him to and told him how very sorry I am and will always be. But, I find it very hard to forgive myself. I can only say that I look forward to seeing my little one in heaven some sweet day. My eyes are tearing now. One cannot dwell on it, but we do think about our actions and so wish for a different outcome.
The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or even seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.
Reinhold Niebuhr often quoted a remark made to him by an agnostic friend who objected to the church, "not because of its dogmas but because of its trivialities," by which he meant "preoccupation with trivial concerns with the world hanging on the rim of disaster."
Fred Craddock was invited to attend a prayer meeting at a home in a wealthy suburb of Atlanta. He said the group shared "weighty" prayer concerns like a date coming up on Friday night and the purchase of a new car, and one man announced they had had 75 answered prayers since the group started meeting. Then one of them turned to him and asked, "What do you think, Dr. Craddock?"
Craddock, usually more reticent to criticize anybody's praying, was offended by the superficial and mechanistic reduction of Israel's God to what Paul Tillich called, "the Cosmic Bellhop." He couldn't help himself. He said, "Do you mean to tell me when people are starving in Africa and the poor are suffering in India and parents in Latin America can't sleep through the night wondering if the death squads will visit them, you folks are praying about dates and new cars?"
Larry Bethune, "Friends in High Places."
Source:www.eSermons.com.
I suspect all of us have been hurt in deep and lasting ways by the words or acts of another. It's normal in such situations to feel hostility toward, be angry with, and make negative judgments about the person who hurt us. If we continue to think we were right to be offended, we may carry the hurt and resentment in the form of a grudge. Usually this causes more unhappiness for us than the person we're mad at.
Some religions speak of forgiveness as a moral duty, others simply as a worthy virtue. Still others impose preconditions on the wrongdoers before they're entitled to be forgiven. Whatever your religious views, psychologists say the ability to forgive is closely correlated to happiness and mental health.
Some people refuse to even entertain the idea of forgiveness because they don't think the person they resent deserves to be forgiven. Others don't want to appear to condone or excuse the conduct and certainly don't want to reconcile with the person.
The essence of forgiveness is a voluntary decision to abandon continuing resentment, to let go of anger, to move on. It doesn't require or imply condoning, excusing, or forgetting. Nor does it require that the forgiver re-establish a relationship with the wrongdoer.
According to Dr. Ben Dean, the capacity to forgive is related to the character strength of empathy. People who can empathize with an offender and see things from that person's perspective are better able to forgive. He also says that the older we get, the more forgiving we're likely to become. Hmmm. We usually get wiser, too. So maybe it's wise to forgive.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
"And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, 'God be merciful to me a sinner.'"1
Years ago when I was doing a counselor training course, one of the instructors made the statement, "Whatever bothers you is your problem!"
"Hmmm," I thought to myself, "that's an interesting conceptâ€"never thought of that before."
At the time I was going through a rough situation personally and was in despair about it. During the course of the training, I explained to my counselor about my predicament and he said, "That must make you angry."
"No," I replied, "I'm just hurt." And he left me with the thought, "That must make you angry!"
Shortly after that I went for a long walk, thinking about, "That must make you angry." Then the truth hit me like a bolt of lighting! "Whew," I admitted to myself, "I am angryâ€"very angry!"
I was never able to change the person whom I felt had rejected and hurt me so badly, but I was able to change me, and come to terms with my feelings (which I had learned to bury and deny at an early age), and resolve them. It also helped me to deal with the anger I had towards my father, from whom I had been estranged for many years, and resolve that impaired relationship. Fortunately, I was able to do this a few months before he died. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.
What others do to me may or may not be a problem, but how I react and feel is always my responsibility. However, to the degree that I overreact, that is always my problem.
It is true; whatever bothers me is my problem. This can be a hard pill to swallow, but until we accept this reality, we will continue to blame others for our feelings and possibly never resolve our hurts/anger or impaired relationships.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you for the people in my life whom you have used to confront me with truth and reality. They have been angels in disguise. Help me to always recognize them as such and use their insights to help me become a better, healthier, and more loving and accepting person. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
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