Editor: Richard (Dick) Innes
Published by: ACTS International
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Vol. 15 – No. 0413 January 26, 2013
Thought for the week: "Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future." – Paul Boese
"Do not wait; the time will never be 'just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along." – Napoleon Hill, Writer
"Reputation is what you are in the light; character is what you are in the dark." – American Proverb
"A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner." – English proverb
"The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you're willing to work." – Oprah Winfrey
"As human beings you are endowed with the freedom of choice ... and it is your responsibility to make that choice." – Unknown
"Trouble is only opportunity in work clothes." – Henry Kaiser
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.
Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by; they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but didn't say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.
One morning I awoke at 5:00 a.m. from two upsetting dreams. First, a pastor on a retreat I was leading interrupted our time of solitude and silence to criticize what I was doing and then in the second dream, a woman interrupted my prayer, saying it was unhelpful.
I couldn't get back to sleep. I remembered the story I heard the day before and started talking to God about it.
In the concentration camps the Nazis tried using soldiers to exterminate the Jews, but it ruined them for battle. They couldn't kill any more. Then the Nazis used medical doctors to do the deed. They found that the psychiatrists were the best at it—they were true "professionals."
If a woman dropped her glasses, the psychiatrist was quick to bend over, smile warmly, and say nicely, "Mam, here are your glasses." Then he'd walk her right into the gas chamber where she'd be "exterminated." Then he'd go back to his doctor's office to help people.
The evil of the Nazi doctor [in my dream] is repulsive. We can't imagine acting kind in order to kill someone. We can't imagine justifying such evil. How could anyone do this, especially a doctor?
Evil is Impersonal
It starts with the most subtle of sins; that is, being personally detached. We go through the motions of caring for people without having genuine concern for them. We deny the reality of our own pride, anger, and contempt that is present when we interact with others.
I had to ask myself, "Is God warning me in my dream?" Of course, my immediate answer was, "No. The only similarity is that I am a psychologist."
But I didn't let myself off the hook. (Integrity won't let me be a counselor for others without first opening myself to Jesus, the Wonderful Counselor, and also to the counselors he has provided for me.) Is there anything like this Nazi doctor in me? Do I ever "do" caring behaviors to people while remaining emotionally detached, lacking in genuine love for them?
Yes. I must admit that sometimes I listen to people with impatience. Sometimes I give them advice or teaching when what's needed is compassion and prayerfulness. Sometimes I drift into a role that looks nice but is unloving. These are signs of pride. They may even be signs of contempt.
Consider the psychology training I received over twenty-five years ago:
Remain objective and unemotional... If you don't detach you'll burn out... Empathy is a technique for you to master... Avoid self-disclosure... Be a blank screen for clients to project onto so you can interpret for them what needs to change in their internal world... Remain neutral, don't let your personal values or trust in the Bible influence your clients... Don't pray for people in therapy—that's rescuing behavior.
I tried this approach. There were some truths being expressed (much of it was "Christian" training), but the heart of love was missing. Some clients described their experience with me as "sterile" or like being in a hospital room. For me, my white smock felt like a straightjacket—I wasn't free to be myself. I felt like a "professional" doing caring behaviors to help people.
I was becoming a Nazi doctor!
Love is a Person-in-Relationship
I thank the Lord that many years ago, by His grace, He helped me to take off that white smock. But occasionally, I catch myself putting it back on and need Jesus to help me to take it off and once again to "put on the new self... put on love" (Colossians 3:10, 14).
Maybe you've put on a white smock that you need to get rid of. It isn't just professionally trained caregivers who may act Christian while being emotionally distant, even contemptuous inside. We all need to remember that love is not something we do to people.
Love is Father-Son-Spirit reaching out to us in gracious sincerity. Love is Jesus Christ in human flesh. Love is meant to live in us and through us to others.
Dear God, you are Love. You are Interpersonal Relationship. You are our Father of Compassion, the Risen Christ in our midst, the Holy Spirit who seeks to live within us and to unite us to yourself and to one another. Forgive us for disconnecting from you and others. We cry out for you, O Lord; help us to rely on your love and share it with the people within our reach—to will good for them and to act with genuine compassion for them—to bless them in whatever way they need. Amen.
More Soul Shepherding
Fear undermines love for many people. "Fear Not 365 Days a Year" offers God's wisdom and peace.
Everyone seems to understand the importance of trust. No one seems to doubt the vital role that it plays in personal relationships, business and politics. We want to trust the people in our lives and we want them to trust us.
Trust is so hard to earn and so easy to lose. So why do so many trust seekers resort to short-sighted, seemingly instinctive, self-aggrandizing, or self-protective strategies that are bound to damage or destroy this precious asset?
Perhaps no group is more at risk than politicians who explicitly ask us to trust them. History has proven over and over again how futile and self-defeating it is for a person in the media's cross hairs to try to protect an uncomfortable truth with a bodyguard of lies and obfuscations.
[A certain politician], an intelligent, dynamic man whose unexpected soaring popularity as candidate for the Republican presidential nomination was based largely on the image he projected as a straight-talker, is the most recent victim of this foolish strategy.
Instead of confronting directly and honestly the facts surrounding allegations of improper conduct, he discredited himself with unsustainable denials and unpersuasive verbal hair splitting.
However damaging the underlying allegations are, insincere, implausible and unbelievable claims and explanations only make things worse—much worse. When will politicians (and the rest of us) learn the simple maxim: When you are in a hole, stop digging?
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"1
One of the first rules in a healthy support group is to not confess anybody else's sins and faults but your own.
I think the following rule (though not likely to ever happen) should apply to every newspaper journalist, radio and TV commentator, and every politician in that they should never be allowed to confess another's sins publicly without having first confessed their own publicly! This surely would silence a whole lot of negative, nasty, and dishonest criticism.
As Greg Laurie said, "Show me a person who is hyper-critical, and I will show you a person who is guilty of far worse sin in his own life. David was guilty of adultery and of premeditated murder. Yet he thought it perfectly just to kill a man who had merely stolen his neighbor's sheep. Of all people, King David should have been 'Mr. Compassion.' But instead, he was 'Mr. Hypocrisy.' He fell neatly into Nathan's little prophetic trap, as the prophet pointed his finger straight at David and said, 'You are the man.'"
Here's another possible pitfall, to quote Cecil Osborne again: "When we are hiding a deeper sin or fault, we tend to confess a lesser one all the more vigorously," to which I would add, "or we confess someone else's sins and faults."
We can't expect open honesty with many non-Christians but, for those of us who claim to be Christ followers, before we look at the sawdust in another's eye, let us make sure we get rid of the plank in our own eye.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please deliver me from the sin of having a critical, negative attitude and help me to see that when I do criticize, it has more to do with me than the one whom I am condemning. Please help me to see and get rid of any planks in my eyes. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer.
Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
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