Vol. 17 – No. 0715 February 14, 2015

1. Words of Wisdom

"Life...it tends to respond to our outlook, to shape itself to meet our expectations." – Richard M. DeVos

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." – Robert F. Kennedy

"The worlds of thought and action overlap. What you think has a way of becoming true." – Roger von Oech

"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Always give without remembering and always receive without forgetting." – Brian Tracy

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." – Norman MacEwan

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2. On the Lighter Side

At one point during a baseball game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother.

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3. For Your Valentine

Garden of My Heart If every thought I had of you was a rose and every rose a word, I would keep picking endless roses from the garden of my heart and speak them all to you. – Dick Innes

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4. God's Valentine

– Submitted by Jan Tamble

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5. C.S. Lewis on Belief

Believing things "on authority" only means believing them because you have been told them by someone you think trustworthy. Ninety-nine percent of the things you believe are believed on authority. I believe there is such a place as New York. I could not prove by abstract reasoning that there is such a place. I believe it because reliable people have told me so. The ordinary person believes in the solar system, atoms, and the circulation of the blood on authority—because the scientists say so. Every historical statement is believed on authority. None of us has seen the Norman Conquest or the defeat of the Spanish Armada. But we believe them simply because people who did see them have left writings that tell us about them; in fact, on authority. A person who balked at authority in other things, as some people do in religion, would have to be content to know nothing all his life.

– C.S. Lewis.

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6. The Purpose of Work

       By Michael Josephson, Character Counts (269.1)

Obviously, the most fundamental purpose of work is to attain adequate food and shelter. But once the essentials of survival are taken care of, attitudes about work differ.

Those who simply view work as a means of survival or attaining wealth do just what they have to do to meet their needs. People with high material ambitions may work extremely hard, sacrificing relationships and other life goals in the process. Their work is simply a means to an end. Such people are apt to stay in jobs they don't like in the hope it will buy them happiness in another venue.

Others consider their work as an intrinsic part of their lives. They identify with their jobs and the way they do their work is an expression of their personhood. Whether they like their jobs or not, they take pride in their work and strive toward virtues like conscientiousness, reliability, devotion and the pursuit of excellence.

The most fortunate of all are those that find both meaning and pleasure in their labor. They view their jobs as careers. The great test of the perfect job is: If you could afford to, would you do it even if you weren't paid? Interestingly, the people most likely to say yes are teachers, coaches, police officers, social workers and others who derive joy and meaning out of serving others.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further information visit www.charactercounts.org

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7. Boundaries and Codependency ... A Reminder

A sample of Daily Encounter by Dick Innes

"Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load."¹

A Daily Encounter reader whom I shall call Mary, grew up in a very dysfunctional home where there was alcoholism and severe abuse. And now, as an adult, like thousands of others, she is unable to say no to her children and to all who come to her for help. Consequently, she struggles with false guilt, feels hurt and angry because of people who use her, and, among other troubling issues, is deeply in debt. It's no wonder she is deeply troubled ... it's the right feeling.

When our lives are in chaos, it's normal to feel depressed and troubled. As one counselor said, "When we have unresolved problems, God is merciful—he gives us symptoms. The purpose of miserable symptoms is to motivate us to seek help.

So Mary's first step for healing and recovery was her admitting, "I have a problem. I need help."

Many of us have a hard time saying no because we want everyone to like (love) us and that is an unrealistic goal.

The truth is when we don't have healthy boundaries (the ability to say no), people use us because they know we are a pushover and, as such, they don't respect us, let alone love or like us. Wanting everyone to like/love us comes from our own love-deprivation hunger (mostly from our family background) and our subsequent insecurity, so we need to work, not only on building healthy boundaries, but also on our self-concept. In fact, it is nigh on impossible to maintain healthy boundaries unless we also work on rebuilding a healthy self-concept and good old-fashioned self-respect.

Realize too, that when we do too much for others or do anything for anybody that they can and should be doing for themselves, we are not being loving, but codependent, and are keeping these people over-dependent on us. Furthermore, we are doing it unconsciously to meet our own need (for love)-not the other person's.

As I said to Mary, to rebuild your self-concept is the challenge and we don't do that by reading books. We do it in relationship with other people. We get damaged in damaging relationships and get healed in healing relationships. With the intensity of your codependency, I would urge you to start taking care of yourself (this is probably the most loving thing you could do for your kids), and get into counseling with a good Christian counselor. Also, get into a 12-step CODA (Codependent Anonymous) group.

Also, ask God to give you a soul-sister whom you can trust implicitly with your feelings and failures; someone who won't give you advice, tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but listen to and accept you as you are. It's only as we are known by a safe person, fully known' and as they love us with all our faults, little by little we learn to love and accept ourselves. Remember, though, you took X number of years to become who you are, so you don't change all of that overnight. To grow and become whole takes a lot of commitment, determination, and hard work, as well as God's help.

Most importantly, be sure to commit and trust your life and way to God every day for the rest of your life; ask Him to give you the courage to face all the truth about yourself you need to see and resolve, and to lead you to all the help you need.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank You that You love and accept me as I am. Please help me to find a few people with whom I feel safe to let them know me as You know me. And through their loving acceptance of me, help me learn to love and accept myself so I will love others from a pure heart without strings attached. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen.

1. Galatians 6:4-5 (NIV).

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