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Why Does God Have Me in This Relationship?

"You do not have because you do not ask [God]. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures."1

A Daily Encounter subscriber writes, "I have fallen out of love with a man over a year now, so is it possible for me to fall back in love with him? We are not married. We have had a roller-coaster ride in this relationship over many years, so why is God allowing us to stay in this relationship. Also we are back together after 16 years. If we are meant to be together as husband and wife, why doesn't God show me?

"Dear Henrietta" (name changed), I replied, "First of all realize that—at least in our Western culture—'falling in love' has more to do with being strongly attracted to someone, being fascinated with this person, or more often than not being physically and/or sexually attracted to this person. It may lead to true love but it isn't love. It's either fascination or just plain lust. True love is a commitment of one imperfect person to another imperfect person, with or without so called 'in love' overpowering feelings.

"Secondly, God isn't co-dependent. God will give us wisdom and guidance if we genuinely want it, but he doesn't make our decisions or choices for us. If he did, he would be keeping us immature and over-dependent. The reality is that you are still in this not-going-anywhere relationship because you, and not God, have chosen to be in it.

"Also, realize, that only happy and mature people find and relate to happy and mature partners, and vice versa, and have happy and fulfilling relationships. Furthermore, it's not so much a case of praying for the right partner but rather praying that you become the right partner, for only as you become the right person/partner will you be attracted to the right partner, and he to you. In life we all are either as sick or as healthy as the partners we are attracted to and they to us. Thus, if you are choosing to stay in a bad relationship, it indicates that you have issues you need to resolve. This is what God wants you to see. His concern for you is that you become a healthy and mature person before becoming involved in a committed relationship that could lead to marriage.

"To pray the right prayer you need to ask God to show you the truth about you and why you are in such an unhealthy relationship, and to help you find the help you need to recover and become whole. For only to the degree that we are made whole will our lifestyle, our attitudes, our behavior, and our relationships be wholesome. Only as we face the truth about our self, resolve our issues, and become whole will any of us have a chance of finding a meaningful and genuinely loving relationship.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me always to pray the right prayer—with the right motives—so that I will have the assurance that you have heard my prayer and that you will answer it according to your will. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."

1. James 4:2-3 (NIV).

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All articles on this website are written by
Richard (Dick) Innes unless otherwise stated.