Editor: Richard (Dick) Innes
Published by: ACTS International
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Vol. 7 – No. 2605 June 25, 2005
Thought for the week: "He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help." – Abraham Lincoln
"Love is not blind—it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less" – Rabbi Julius Gordon
"He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven." – Thomas Fuller
"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." – Theodore Roosevelt
"Most people spend more time planning a vacation or a party than they spend planning their lives." – Denis Waitley
"Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of." – Agnes Allen
"The best proof of love is trust." – Joyce Brothers, Psychologist
"The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse." – Helen Keller
"Good habits are as addictive as bad habits, and a lot more rewarding." – Harvey Mackay
"A life without purpose is a languid, drifting thing; Every day we ought to review our purpose, saying to ourselves: 'This day let me make a sound beginning, for what we have hitherto done is naught.'" – Thomas A. Kempis
"Those who don't get their feet wet don't catch fish." – Chinese Proverb
In the courtroom where I worked as a court reporter, a dentist was called as a witness. He took the oath a few feet from my desk, and I noticed his arm was trembling, apparently from nervousness.
After he finished, I couldn't resist saying softly, "Sit down, doctor. This won't hurt a bit."
A few years ago the psychology department of Duke University carried on an interesting experiment. They wanted to see how long rats could swim. In one container they placed a rat for whom there was no possibility of escape. He swam a few moments and then ducked his head to drown. In the other container they made the hope of escape a possibility for the rat. The rat swam for several hours before finally giving up. The conclusion of the experiment was just the opposite of our common conclusion. We usually say, "As long as there is life, there is hope." The Duke experiment proved, "As long as there is hope, there is life."
In 1927, Max Ehrmann, an Indiana lawyer turned author, gave us timeless advice in a poem called "Desiderata" (which means "things to be desired"):
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Reported to have been taken from papers written by a class of eight-year-olds.
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.
A grandfather is a man grandmother.
Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.
When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on cracks.
They don't say, "Hurry up."
Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.
They wear glasses and funny underwear.
They can take their teeth and gums out.
Grandparents don't have to be smart.
They have to answer questions like, "Why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?"
When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only-grown ups who like to spend time with us.
They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
A six-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport and when we want her we just go get her. Then when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
Psychologist John Gottman researches what makes or breaks marriages...
He asks the question, "How can you prevent a marriage from going bad—or rescue one that already has?" After extensive studies, Gottman claims, "I am not able to predict whether a couple will stay happily together or lose their way. I can make this prediction after listening to the couple interact in our Love Lab for as little as five minutes!" How can we know? "What can make a marriage work is surprisingly simple," he says. "Happily married couples aren't smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones."
Other research on marital unhappiness suggests that there are four negative reasons that will lead a couple toward divorce. Perhaps not surprisingly, God's Word has something to say about each: escalating a fight (Proverbs 15:1), negative comments (Proverbs 29:11), invalidating comments (Proverbs 25:20; 1 Pet. 2:17), and withdrawal and avoidance (Ephesians 4:25; Matthew. 5:23-24).
THOUGHT: When we develop a pattern of reacting negatively, whether just in our thoughts or also in our emotions and behaviors, we get our marriage into trouble. In order to reverse this pattern, we need to take full responsibility for how we react or respond to our spouse. No blaming. No excuses. Remember, what we do and how we act is influenced by others but not caused by others. (Leslie Vernick, "Stop Reacting, Start Responding," How To Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong, 58-59).
"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13, 14, NIV).
I have read that if flies are placed in a jar with air holes in the lid, they will fly frantically, banging into the lid, desperately trying to escape from their prison. If left there long enough, eventually they will stop hitting the lid. Later, if the lid is removed, they won't even try to escape.
Some of us are like the flies. Because of a traumatic or painful experience in our past we have been "conditioned" to believe that we are trapped in a prison of helplessness without escape, so we are afraid to try again for fear of failure or of being hurt again.
To overcome, we need to acknowledge where we have been hurt and, if necessary, get into a recovery program to overcome our painful memories and unresolved feelings.
As Peter said, "So get rid of your feelings of hatred."1 The same principle applies to all negative feelings—especially the supercharged repressed negative ones. Repressing or denying these feelings doesn't get rid of them. It only adds "interest" to them and makes matters worse. Furthermore, we can never "forget" the past until we have resolved it. Only then are we truly able to forgive any and all who have ever hurt us. Until we do this, we are still bound to and controlled by our past.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to resolve any hurts from the past that are affecting my life in any negative way. And help me to forgive any and all who have ever hurt me so I can put all these matters behind me, forget them, and be free to fully live and fully love and to better serve you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
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